God damn crappy software

As a developer I know that software crashes occasionally. I accept these things and move on. Some things, though, are just too god damn annoying to let it pass without rage.

Here is a list of software that has ruined my life this week

Firefox 3.0.4 on Linux:

  • Crashing randomly, even when backgrounded.
  • Can't open many pages that I could before without javascrit errors.
  • Gmail, google search and google images are all now defaulted to plain old HTML
  • flash has stopped working, both free and non-free.
  • Java makes firefox hang, and needs -9 killing

The Manchester Congestion Charge - My 5 Quid’s Worth

Well everyone else has had a whinge. Now its my turn.

So, if we vote yes, we'll get £3 billion pound investment, more trams, more buses, better service and we'll live in a utopian public transport paradise - will we balls! GM Transport managed to spend £250,000 installing a bus stop in Eccles, yes a, one, singular. At that rate we'll get fuck all. If we do vote yes, I predict at least half of the money will go on red tape and senior management bounses.

I get to work by bus and I am voting no. There's just some annoying things about bus travel that the plan doesn't cover like, how to stop people being fucking idiots and gathering around the door at the front of the bus when there are loads of seats and making it difficult for everyone to get off. Or how to stop people which colds and germs coughing and spluttering all over you. Another thing - smelly people - I'd be more inclined to vote yes if the unwashed weren't allowed on.

The X Factor - That's entertainment?

Being away from the usual abode on Saturday night, I was forced to watch the X Factor. Actually thats wrong - I was forced to endure the X Factor. What a big pile of poo.

As I never watch it I thought maybe I had judged too quickly, maybe they were great singers, maybe here was the new Tina Turner or Freddie no. Slightly above average pub singers. So here's what I thought of them.

The Jamelia-a-like - Probably the best one cos I can't remember anything about her. Bland.

The Spanish one - Her body was the different shade of orange to her face.

The Baby Headed one - Surely he's not a man but some giant mutant baby? If you see him run away lest the mother appears.

Life Through a Digital Camera Lens

Whilst at a recent gig it suddenly struck me just how attached the 'yoof' of today are to their camera phones and digital cameras. In fact, it truly concerns me that a whole generation is missing out on living in the moment purely so that can 'capture' that perfect moment and upload it to facebook. It seems that human memory of an event is no longer sufficient and only the pictures stored on the memory card will do.

A group of youngsters in front of me seemed more concerned about getting pictures of themselves enjoying the gig, rather than actually just enjoying the gig! I must admit this did niggle me. Especially when they thrust a digital camera into my face in the middle of my favourite song and asked to take the regulatory group shot.

I make more sense when I sleep

okay, so anyone that knows me or my partner Lucy will know I do wacky stuff in my sleep. I like to spend a large portion of the night talking nonsense, or occasionally making complete sense.
I also appear to like arguing with people in my sleep, possibly acting out the kind of arguments you can't have in the workplace.

I am going to start recording this oddness in the hope that it will all mean something, or it triggers a memory of what I was dreaming about at the time.

Here is a log of some of the things I have apparently (I don't know if it is true!) said in my sleep...

"I don't know, do you know? so you don't know and I don't know. We don't know" etc for about 10 minutes.....

The Untapped (and Open) Source of Great Men

It seems to me there's lots of women outthere trying to find the perfect man and whinging because he does not exist. I can't help but think these women are looking in the wrong places. So I am here to promote and stand up for the greatest untapped source of good men - geeks.

As lots of you know I have my geek. I love him very much and I don't think anyone could have made me happier. I've never really understood why women are attracted to 'bad boys'. For some women it seems sexy = acting like a knob, not for me. I like nice men.

So why geeks? Well first and foremost they'll be so grateful you've taken an interest that they will treat you like a queen. If he says he'll call at 8, he'll call at 8. Afterall it's in his PDA with an alarm reminder.

Pimp My Ride UK - Make It So

One could blog about the ridiculousness of Pimp My Ride UK indefinitely - the strange hair dos of the mechanics, the bad acting, Westwood - but seeing as the good lady wife has already had a bash at this (Bazmond's Blog) I'd like to suggest ideas how to improve the show rather than ridicule it.

At the beginning of every episode Westwood states how he is going to "pimp UK style" but they're not are they? They are just aping the American style which we have neither the flare nor the enthusiasm to pull off. We should embrace our britishness, and here's how.

Uefa Cup Final – They Came, They Saw, They Shit All Over Our City

So the match was lost, an army sized force is needed to clean up the city and a Zenit St Petersburg fan was stabbed. In the immortal words of Arnold J Rimmer – well I can’t say I’m surprised.

I admit I don’t like football, I agree with my boyfriend who states that football is so popular because its simplicity means the lowest common denominator can understand it. Clearly the type of denominator that will stab someone when their team loses. I really do try to have an open mind about football but time and time again I original feelings about it are proved correct.

Take the litter. One could be forgiven when getting off the bus this morning that you had arrived at the gates off a rubbish tip, not Manchester city centre. It was totally disgusting and due to the amount of beer spilt on the now extremely sticky Market Street, I fear resembled the T1000 when exposed to liquid nitrogen whilst I walked to work.

Time for a Change

I’m tired, my feet hurt and I’m in work. I need some magic medicine. In my case it’s sausage butties. Nothing else can get me out of my doldrums and get me through the day. So butty and fruit juice in hand (well we all have to make some concessions to health) I head to the till and pay with a crisp tenner, freshly out of the coinshitter (for all those Charlie Brooker readers) and in doing so clean the poor canteen lady out of all of her £1s and 50ps. In my current place of work the canteen staff never complain when you pay with notes, something of a novelty, but it just adds to my guilt when I leave them changeless.

Eau de Z-list

Celebrity perfumes really get up my nose.

I read something the other day about how Kate Moss was keen to create a 'signature scent'. Do they really think we are dumb enough to believe that Kate Moss is sat in a lab adding a smidge of lavendar and a pinch of musk to her lovingly created concoction? The most she probably does is have a quick whiff before it's shipped out to the shops. If the perfume makers were creating her true smell, it would probably smell of shampoo, lenor and the inevitable stale fags and booze - nice.

But its not about the smell at end of the day is it? Put Kate Moss's face on anything and it's likely to sell - expect the Kate Moss urinal later this year. Though why Jade Goody's perfume sold so well is still beyond me.

The Cult of the Stupid Pretty Girl

We all have favourite things, I love books. In fact it verges on the obsessive. I get a thrill when I enter a bookshop which I suspect other women get in shoe shops. I rearrange my furniture in the hope of finding space for another bookshelf. Books are quite frankly brilliant and can take you anywhere and let you do anything. This year alone I've travelled to another world in search of a fallen star, journeyed into untapped realms of the mind, delved into quantum physics, walked the mean streets with a private dectective and had an adventure with a scarecrow. Yes, all this from a book!

eBay extras... extra lols

I just got an email from eBay inviting me to earn points by spending money by buying.

Their generous offer was for 5 points per £1 you spend. "Fair enough", I thought I will sign up and see what I could earn.

Well... it turns out that they are pretty crazy bands for the points. I have to earn 10000 points to get a T-shirt or a £5 web cam. 10000 points? I nearly fell off my chair with laughter. I laughed and laughed for all of a minute until the anger set in. They want me to spend £2000 in 53 days in order to get enough points to buy a T-shirt? Are they taking the piss? What kind of incentive scheme makes you spend the best part of 2 months wages to get a sodding T-shirt? ... Deep breaths ...

Tea Dance at the Trafford Centre

Met my mate at the Trafford Centre last night, and while I was waiting I was watching the OAPs at the tea dance that is hosted there every Tuesday. I think it's great - kudos to them for getting out there and keeping active (we could all take a leaf out of their books!). My new hero is the old gal in the yellow top dancing by herself, doing her own moves in her own little world. She was brilliant, dancing her socks off and not giving a toss who was looking.

Whilst I was watching them, there were a few teenagers watching to and I am afriad to say laughing. Bunch of small minded pricks. I've never really been a stout believer in respecting someone just because they have managed to live a long time but rather I believe they should earn respect on how they have lived their life, and getting out there and having a good time when others your age for starting to give up cetainly wins my respect. What's to laugh at? I'd like to ask these teenagers. The dancing? The fact that they are old? Laughing at someone because they are old is as bad as laughing at someone because of their colour or sexual orientation. What makes me laugh is the teenagers doing the laughing will be old themselves one day!

Why will they not tell me what I want to know?

I've had it up to the proverbial here with the responses I have been getting from large companies recently. They never answer the bloody question that you have emailed them! "try the helpful FAQs on our website" they proclaim. The aforementioned FAQs are about as helpful as a rotweiler waitress with a migraine.

This all started when I emailed the DVLA to ask if I could tax my car if my registration document and insurance certificate had different addresses. I think even the simplest of you out there will agreed this is a 'yes' or 'no' question. What did I get? 4 paragraphs of absolute rubbish - 1 telling me how to declare my car SORN, another about the penalities of having no tax and 2 others of irrelevant rubbish. So obviously copy pasted from the 'use these if the word tax is mentioned' file.

London 2012 Olympic Logo

Well, what a stir the new logo has caused.

Can me cynical, but I am the only person who thinks they chose a crap logo on purpose just to get everyone talking? Afterall there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Give it a week they'll admit they're wrong and when they have everyone's attention, wheel out the 'back-up' logo or hold a nationwide competition to get a design for one.

I think its all a case of sly marketing.

Flying the Flag but everyone still hates Us.

Eurovision. Love it or hate it, you can't escape it.

Since I was child I have loved it, I even have a little tradition. I always go home and watch it with my Mum and we have been doing our own scoring for years - even before you could download a score sheet off the beeb website. Yes I am a certified geek.

I think its brilliant. The awful songs, the comedy performances and the excellent dry wit of good old Tel. "Its been a wonderful evening though not musically obviously" The man is a comedy genius.

Still 17 points eh? ouch. Have we always been rubbish? Lets put my research skills to use and review the last 10 years.

Watching the watchers

It has been said that the UK has the largest number of CCTV cameras watching us compared to anywhere in the world.

There is something slightly sinister about seeing a small dome of glass silently and unemotionally peering back at you, reminiscent of HAL in "2001 - a space odyssey". It almost brings me out into cold sweats knowing I am being constantly watched. I am one of those people that gets instantly nervous when being watched... despite having nothing to hide.

I did a quick tally of the amount of cameras I could see while going the 2 miles to work today... I counted 27 cameras before I even pulled into the car park. I know for certain that the building I work in has a very high tech security system comprising of dozens of camera per floor. A educated guess for the camera count would put it at nearly 60 units by the time I strolled into my office.

Seriously love, put the bucket of chicken down

Well Well Well. Half Ton Hospital.

First of all, it must be terribly sad for these people, my heart goes out to them. I can understand that they must get to a stage where it all seems pointless and not worth trying any longer but with is mixed with a HUGE serving of denial. Its not called FLUFFILY obese, its called MORBIDLY obese = its going kill you and soon.

Most of the patients seem to be the unfortunate outcome of the All-U-Can-Eat, This coffee's hot! I'm suing!, I'm not to blame, Lets have therapy! American Society. As we saw in last night's show, when people take responsability for themselves they start to lose weight and get their lives back.

Virgin Media and SKY suck

Sky switched off the signal to their "Basic channels" today. I am now without Sky One and all the other sky channels, and quite frankly it sucks.

It would seem there is a childish dispute between the two companies, with sky playing the bully.

So this is a message to Sky:

Dear Sky,

I do hope you are happy with what you have done to the customers of Virgin Media... No wait, that isn't right... I hope you rot in hell.

In bullying Virgin Media with your "give us 2x the amount" tactics you have condemned us to watching the crap that is regular television. Wake up to your mistake and provide these services to Virgin Media at a reasonable price before an angry lynch mob comes for you.


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